Through the Screen

People On The Other Side

Here’s a thought I delivered two years ago about how social media encourages us to be our worst selves by essentially dehumanizing our communications with each other.

Photo by Paul Hanaoka on Unsplash

According to many social scientists, the sense that people seem meaner in recent years and the reality that we all spend so much more time online, particularly on social media, are related. Psychologists have identified what they refer to as the “online disinhibition effect,” which means that people tend to behave worse online than they would in face-to-face conversations. They suggest several interrelated reasons for this phenomenon.

First, the online world is more anonymous, so people feel less accountable. Second, to many people, online interaction feels more like a game than actual person-to-person interaction, so real-life rules feel less applicable. Third, it is much harder to communicate nuance or tone online, which leads to misinterpretation. Fourth, there is a lag between post and reply, which makes it harder to consider the consequences of saying something provocative. Finally, authorities and authority figures are simply less dominant online than they are in real life - people feel more like equals, and they are therefore more assertive and less deferential.

One of the dramatic moments in this Shabbat’s Torah portion, Parashat Vayeshev, comes as a young Joseph is sold into slavery, becoming the steward of the Egyptian officer Potifar. Joseph’s charisma and good looks attract the attention of Potifar’s wife, who attempts to seduce him - and nearly succeeds.

The Talmud records a discussion between a Roman matron and Rabbi Yose, one of the great sages of the time. The matron could not understand how Joseph, a young, powerless man, would have been capable of withstanding this powerful temptation. Rabbi Yose responded that Joseph had, in fact, intended to succumb to her advances when he suddenly visualized his father, Jacob, watching him from the window and rebuking him. The shock of that image restored him to his senses, and he fled from the house.

On one level, this interpretation is understood as a semi-miraculous phenomenon, related to the Torah’s description of how Jacob never gave up hope of being reunited with his son, even when all seemed lost. Somehow, despite the distance that separated them, Jacob’s presence was there to protect Joseph in his hour of need. On a more practical level, the story speaks to the strength of the relationship between Jacob and Joseph, such that Joseph could not imagine doing anything to disappoint his father, even if Jacob was not physically present and could hardly be expected to know what was going on.

Art Markman, a professor of psychology who was among the first to study and discuss online disinhibition effect, recommended that we make an extra effort to spend time conversing face-to-face with other people, including those with whom we may disagree. The exercise will make it more likely to remember that there are real people on the other side of our computer or smartphone screens, including the people we love and respect the most, watching us, Jacob-like, through the glass, keeping us on our best behavior.

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Our Hampton Synagogue Author Discussion Series finished its TV run last week. Here is the last episode, with Daniel Schulman of Mother Jones, discussing his book The Money Kings: The epic story of the Jewish immigrants who transformed Wall Street and shaped modern America. It’s a great book, and it was a great conversation!

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Here are two short pieces I read this week that anti-resonated with me.

I’m thinking about exactly why I had that reaction, and then I’d like to write something and share it next week. I think there’s a common thread, but I want to really pin it down.

“The Greatest Threat Americans Face,” Rabbi Efrem Goldberg

As an American, the birth rate collapse is a genuine concern but as a Torah Jew, what it reflects about our society is even more concerning. The world around us is increasingly more concerned with the here and now, with pleasure, comfort, and convenience rather than in the effort, sacrifice, faith, hope, and optimism it takes to bring and raise children in this world. Is it any surprise that we are suffering from a population threat when many states have laws that require insurance companies to cover birth control while simultaneously refusing to cover fertility treatments such as IVF, leaving many couples with the burden of exorbitant expenses when trying to have a child privately?

When 'Plenty' Isn't Everything, by Mark Gerson

What, therefore, can we deduce about the Torah’s philosophy of income inequality? The Jacob/Esau narrative encourages us to assess ourselves internally – and not through comparison...thereby eviscerating the formula for and thus the logic of income inequality. A concern about “income inequality” is replaced by a deep concern for the poor – which has nothing to do with comparisons to anyone else and everything to do with sustenance, dignity, mobility and opportunity.